Last night as I was getting my meds out, my 15 year old son came into the kitchen, shirtless, and asked me what I was taking the medicine for. I told him it was for depression. "Depression?" he said, "You're depressed? Why are you depressed when you can see all this?" and he flexed his arms and strutted around me. I busted up laughing! Where did that kid get such a great self-esteem?
Apparently I've done a good job at keeping my depression in check around my kids. That's always been one of my biggest concerns, because I grew up thinking I was responsible for my mom's happiness/unhappiness in life (and I am still trying to rid myself of that baggage). Throughout my depression I've always feared my children will feel responsible for my depression, or somehow be scarred for life because I've been depressed for so long (of course that could provide good fodder for years of therapy!). I'm really grateful that I have evidence to the contrary.
I love the simplicity of my son's response. What do I have to be depressed about? Now I realize my depression isn't caused too much by situation. Sure, making a move that I wasn't happy about definitely contributed, but in general I have a good life. I have 3 healthy, happy children; a good husband; good friends; a nice home and all of my creature needs taken care of; extended family that while weird, is still good people; no major childhood nightmares to heal from; a great therapist; etc. etc. What's there to be depressed about? I recognize that depression doesn't have to be situational. And mine is definitely not. But it's amazing how much easier it is to recognize and accept the good in your life when you're not depressed.
I noticed that although my medication is helping and I'm not feeling as depressed, I'm still identifying myself as depressed. Interesting.
Apparently I've done a good job at keeping my depression in check around my kids. That's always been one of my biggest concerns, because I grew up thinking I was responsible for my mom's happiness/unhappiness in life (and I am still trying to rid myself of that baggage). Throughout my depression I've always feared my children will feel responsible for my depression, or somehow be scarred for life because I've been depressed for so long (of course that could provide good fodder for years of therapy!). I'm really grateful that I have evidence to the contrary.
I love the simplicity of my son's response. What do I have to be depressed about? Now I realize my depression isn't caused too much by situation. Sure, making a move that I wasn't happy about definitely contributed, but in general I have a good life. I have 3 healthy, happy children; a good husband; good friends; a nice home and all of my creature needs taken care of; extended family that while weird, is still good people; no major childhood nightmares to heal from; a great therapist; etc. etc. What's there to be depressed about? I recognize that depression doesn't have to be situational. And mine is definitely not. But it's amazing how much easier it is to recognize and accept the good in your life when you're not depressed.
I noticed that although my medication is helping and I'm not feeling as depressed, I'm still identifying myself as depressed. Interesting.
4 comments:
Your son sounds like a little bit of heavenly medicine himself (although I'm sure at times he is quite the pill...ha ha...pun). I, too, still identify myself that way. And, I'm okay with that for now.
I still think of myself as depressed too, even though it's under pretty good control now.
I agree that depression, at least for me, is not situational. I have been deeply depressed when surrounded by many blessings. It's a strong indication to me that depression is an illness and it's OK to treat it with meds.
Sam is a gem. Glad that he made you laugh.
Yeehaw for medication that works! I think that we sometimes put a label on ourselves to explain what is going on in our life. Later we realize that the label doesn't always stick and that we can move past it.
I can tell that you are feeling better and I am so happy for you.
I like him already. He reminds me of my Brady (second son-17 y/o). And he also reminds me of a kid in my novel who is 15. Which makes me think this character must be based on my own son. Amazing how real life stuff sneaks into my books.
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