Well, where to start? I've been back for about two weeks from the conference I went to. It was a very interesting experience. I didn't come away totally transformed; I came away with a few nuggets to help me out. Part of what I learned was how to stop being a victim and start being accountable for my life. Also, we talked about the power of words and it was suggested we rid our vocabulary of the word "try" and replace "help" with "assist." All of this is to help us be more accountable and reclaim power in our lives. We also did a lot of activities to get in touch with our "heart" or "inner self" and to quiet our minds from the distracting chatter. All of this helped me to get rid of the deep, depressive pit that's been residing in my gut.
However, I'm still feeling unmotivated and apathetic. My doctor has gone ahead increased my dosage back to what it was when I was having tremors as a side effect. And he increased the dosage of my medicine that I'm to take to help with the tremors. It feels like I'm on some crazy medication catch 22. So I'm taking medicine for the bi-polar II, some for my depression, some for the side effects of the first 2. I take the blue pill to remind me to take the red pill; I take the red pill to remind me to take the yellow pill; and I take the yellow pill to remind me to take the green pill; but they're afraid to tell me what the green pill is for. (This is taken from a scene in "What's Up Doc?" the funniest movie ever). I think I'd feel better about it if I was seeing some distinctly positive results. But I've been tinkering with medications since October 2011, and here it is April of 2012. I guess I just thought by now things to be figured out.
However, I'm still feeling unmotivated and apathetic. My doctor has gone ahead increased my dosage back to what it was when I was having tremors as a side effect. And he increased the dosage of my medicine that I'm to take to help with the tremors. It feels like I'm on some crazy medication catch 22. So I'm taking medicine for the bi-polar II, some for my depression, some for the side effects of the first 2. I take the blue pill to remind me to take the red pill; I take the red pill to remind me to take the yellow pill; and I take the yellow pill to remind me to take the green pill; but they're afraid to tell me what the green pill is for. (This is taken from a scene in "What's Up Doc?" the funniest movie ever). I think I'd feel better about it if I was seeing some distinctly positive results. But I've been tinkering with medications since October 2011, and here it is April of 2012. I guess I just thought by now things to be figured out.
5 comments:
I'm glad the conference provided you with some help. Those are important nuggets you learned.
Finding a balance on the meds is hard. Some can take a few months to really show their full capacity, so sometimes it's a waiting game. My doc and I are doing some tinkering, too, because I've got more generalized anxiety while also having trouble with apathy. He thinks the increased anxiety may be present because I've started cognitive behavioral therapy, which is making me face some things with the OCD that I've been avoiding.
Hang in there! I hope the new combinations will be successful.
Tina
Okay....for sure..."What's Up Doc" is CLASSIC. Before I even caught on that you were quoting it, it totally came to mind. BIG smiles all around. :)
Second....I really am sorry that you are still feeling "blegh". I find myself still comparing last year's bliss to this years "blegh" and it's getting discouraging. I'm sure you are wondering, like myself, WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO BE GOOD AGAIN?
Hang in there, though. Learning to cope is CRUCIAL. Little nuggets are VITALLY IMPORTANT to "managing life".
Oh...and my advise....write down your little nuggets of wisdom so that you can come back and read them when all seems forgotten. (Ahem...maybe it's time I go back and do that myself). :)
I'm rooten' for you. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
I love Whats up doc also! This is just a temporary situation, even though it feels like forever. Medicine sometimes makes us feel like we are out of control, that we need something other than us, since we are not competent enough, this is the downside of medicines. So with them, you have to use the skills from the conference. Don't let the medicine let you feel like victim! You can do it! I know you can. Our minds can move mountains! Just a funk, you can recover, keep writing through it!
I am going to watch What's up doc tonight! Always look for the good news in everything! My good news for the day! I had a great walk in 3 inches of snow this morning, and found out that my walking buddy and I have more and more in common everyday. I experience this frequently, the more I get to know someone the more I like them. Everyone out there is pretty darn amazing!
Thanks everyone, for you comments. It makes me know I'm not alone in all of this. Thank you for your kind and inspiring words.
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