So I think I've made the connection between hypo-mania and anxiety. With bi-polar II, often the mania end of things looks and feels like anxiety, but how? I had an experience yesterday that cleared things up for me. I've been having a fairly good week overall. For months I've been feeling dysthymic, but after a good talk with my therapist I'm doing a lot better. Work on my dissertation is actually moving forward (my daily goal is 250 words a day; may not seem like much, but it works for me). Anyway, last night I found myself feeling a bit hypo-manic, but had no place to put the energy, as I haven't had that type of energy for a while. Well, with no place to put the enrgy of hypo-mania, it started churning and churning inside of me. It came out looking like anxiety. I guess its kind of like taking milk, churning it for a while, and getting butter at the end. I'm not sure how great of a metaphor this is, but it works for me. Here's to finding ways to take the hypo-mania and keeping the energy as something positive and something that can make life feel better.
This is interesting. I like the analogy of churning milk for butter. Do you think if you had had a way to use the hypo-manic energy, it would not have ended up feeling like anxiety?
ReplyDeleteI hope you do find ways to keep the energy as something positive.
I'm feeling more energy since I've started a very low dose of Abilify with my other meds, but my depressive habits seem so entrenched, I don't always know what to do with the energy. Not sure if that makes sense . . . .
Tina, I totally understand having depressive habits entrenched. I worry a lot about that for myself--do I even know how to act without depression? That's part of the reasoning behind the name of this blog: relearniing happiness--I need to relearn how to be happy because my habits associated with depression are a solid part of my life. Anyway, I appreciate your comments.
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