Going off lithium was a great decision. I no longer feel so foggy and drugged. My balance is back and I'm not as shaky. I still have a difficult time recalling words, but it's not as bad. In fact, I'm having quite a few good days. I'm still on some anti-depressants, but that's okay for now. This is the best I've felt since we moved (2 years ago). Probably the best I've felt since my dad died (2.5 years ago). And I'm seeing more clearly and feeling more clearly to work through different issues.
I feel a bit misguided by the psychiatrist who put me on lithium and then never seemed to take my concerns seriously. It makes me angry. But I'm glad I decided to get a second opinion. I'm now being considered as having "drug-resistant depression" instead of bipolar II. Hmm, what is in a label anyway? I recognize that different therapies are needed for each different diagnosis, and that can be very important. However I'm confused as to what it means for me. Because I'm feeling so much better I don't care quite as much, just as long as the relief continues.
Another form of relief has come in the form of a friend. I have a new friend who makes me laugh all the time. We went to Seattle the other weekend to see Les Mis. I laughed more over that weekend (except for when I was crying in Les Mis) than I've laughed in a long, long time. In fact I can't even remember when I've laughed so much. And she's a friend I go walking with. We walk 3 miles 3 times a week. One of the best things about it is that she said we'd go out early to walk and we have the same definition of "early"--8 a.m.
So, in all, life is much better. The dissertation is still a battle, but a lot of that is separate from my depression or lack thereof. I guess the best thing I can say about my dissertation is that I can't quite commit myself to quitting. So I continue to stumble along. But maybe that will change as my mood continues to improve.
I feel a bit misguided by the psychiatrist who put me on lithium and then never seemed to take my concerns seriously. It makes me angry. But I'm glad I decided to get a second opinion. I'm now being considered as having "drug-resistant depression" instead of bipolar II. Hmm, what is in a label anyway? I recognize that different therapies are needed for each different diagnosis, and that can be very important. However I'm confused as to what it means for me. Because I'm feeling so much better I don't care quite as much, just as long as the relief continues.
Another form of relief has come in the form of a friend. I have a new friend who makes me laugh all the time. We went to Seattle the other weekend to see Les Mis. I laughed more over that weekend (except for when I was crying in Les Mis) than I've laughed in a long, long time. In fact I can't even remember when I've laughed so much. And she's a friend I go walking with. We walk 3 miles 3 times a week. One of the best things about it is that she said we'd go out early to walk and we have the same definition of "early"--8 a.m.
So, in all, life is much better. The dissertation is still a battle, but a lot of that is separate from my depression or lack thereof. I guess the best thing I can say about my dissertation is that I can't quite commit myself to quitting. So I continue to stumble along. But maybe that will change as my mood continues to improve.
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