I've been feeling unhappy. But not really depressed. I'm unhappy with most aspects of my life, finding little satisfaction spiritually and emotionally. It doesn't feel like depression because I don't feel like I'm slogging through thigh-high mud. I'm just sad and dissatisfied. Could it be I'm going through a mid-life crisis? I feel like my true self has been lost along the way somehow and that I'm living in a shell that I'm calling life, but really it isn't. There's just a lot of emptiness in my life.
I'm also feeling anxious lately. It's sort of a nebulous anxiety that I can't put a finger on. If you add the anxiety to the unhappiness, maybe it's all morphing into depression. But I still don't feel depressed. Of course I'm basing my feeling of being depressed on the absolute worse case scenario; I'm comparing it all to the depressive period from last year, that lasted over two years. Maybe to a "normal" person this anxiety and unhappiness would feel like depression. It just doesn't to me. Maybe it's a case of mild depression.
So, where does that leave me? I looked up "mid-life crisis" on Wikipedia (since we all know Wikipedia is the source of all truth). It didn't really seem to fit me, because it's usually age-related and "a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life." However, the result is similar to me. In Wikipedia it says "People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance." I'm definitely desirous to make significant, core, changes in my life. But I don't have the energy or know-how right now. It feels like to make any significant I really need to take a leap of faith, right off a cliff. I've been to this edge many times in my life, but I have yet to take the one step towards a new, "truer" me.
Ah, whatever. This is beginning to sound like drivel, so I'll end this blog for now. There's always a tomorrow to write some more. I'll give you a hint what I think I'm going to write about--the idea that what we see in the world is only a mirror of ourselves. Sound interesting? I think so.
I'm also feeling anxious lately. It's sort of a nebulous anxiety that I can't put a finger on. If you add the anxiety to the unhappiness, maybe it's all morphing into depression. But I still don't feel depressed. Of course I'm basing my feeling of being depressed on the absolute worse case scenario; I'm comparing it all to the depressive period from last year, that lasted over two years. Maybe to a "normal" person this anxiety and unhappiness would feel like depression. It just doesn't to me. Maybe it's a case of mild depression.
So, where does that leave me? I looked up "mid-life crisis" on Wikipedia (since we all know Wikipedia is the source of all truth). It didn't really seem to fit me, because it's usually age-related and "a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life." However, the result is similar to me. In Wikipedia it says "People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance." I'm definitely desirous to make significant, core, changes in my life. But I don't have the energy or know-how right now. It feels like to make any significant I really need to take a leap of faith, right off a cliff. I've been to this edge many times in my life, but I have yet to take the one step towards a new, "truer" me.
Ah, whatever. This is beginning to sound like drivel, so I'll end this blog for now. There's always a tomorrow to write some more. I'll give you a hint what I think I'm going to write about--the idea that what we see in the world is only a mirror of ourselves. Sound interesting? I think so.
1 comment:
I've had periods of dissatisfaction like this. It's hard to put my finger on what's causing it, whether it's depression or a real disconnect with how I'm living my life. Sometimes I think starting with small changes is more manageable than the bigger ones. Hope you find some peace with this soon.
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