Okay, I'm starting to feel a little bit better. I'm still depressed, but not at the end of my rope anymore. I don't know if the effects of daily exercising are kicking in or if my changes in diet are making a difference, but that doesn't really matter right now, it's just nice not to want it all to end anymore.
That being said, I am giving myself emotional whiplash. The kids have started school and I have a tendency to take all their stress and anxiety so seriously. It weighs heavy on me, even though they're doing fine. I tend to fixate on it and let their anxiety turn into mine. It sucks. Also, with the start of school, I'm left wondering what to do with myself all day. I no longer have the dissertation to work on and I have no job. There's plenty of house/yard work to do, but I really hate that type of work, so I avoid it at all costs. Some of the time I think I really need a job, other times I think I'd just like a job, and still at other times I have no desire to work at all. And I go through these feelings several times each day. I used to be so focused, I knew what was important in life and I had the desire to do those important things. But now, meh. I really don't know what is important and I just can't find it in me to care. It's hard to try and apply for jobs, go to the farmer's market, get outside and weed, do laundry, go to Costco, vacuum . . . Everything is still just takes an inordinate amount of energy and I'm not sure what to do about it. Baby steps, I guess.
That being said, I am giving myself emotional whiplash. The kids have started school and I have a tendency to take all their stress and anxiety so seriously. It weighs heavy on me, even though they're doing fine. I tend to fixate on it and let their anxiety turn into mine. It sucks. Also, with the start of school, I'm left wondering what to do with myself all day. I no longer have the dissertation to work on and I have no job. There's plenty of house/yard work to do, but I really hate that type of work, so I avoid it at all costs. Some of the time I think I really need a job, other times I think I'd just like a job, and still at other times I have no desire to work at all. And I go through these feelings several times each day. I used to be so focused, I knew what was important in life and I had the desire to do those important things. But now, meh. I really don't know what is important and I just can't find it in me to care. It's hard to try and apply for jobs, go to the farmer's market, get outside and weed, do laundry, go to Costco, vacuum . . . Everything is still just takes an inordinate amount of energy and I'm not sure what to do about it. Baby steps, I guess.
2 comments:
Hi, Kim, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Baby steps are good because they eventually cover big distances! :-)
Sometimes when I'm trying to decipher what I want to do, I write, just for myself. Writing out my thoughts helps me to figure things out sometimes. Maybe doing something like that will help give you a sense of direction.
I think you need some time to rest and re-energize. Sleep in, do some self care and everything will come into place.
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