Our family went backpacking this weekend in the Wenaha-Tucannon Wilderness in the Blue Mountains of south-eastern Washington. I was really banking on this trip; in the past the one thing that grounded me was getting out in the wilderness. It took a lot of energy for me to make this trip happen. I wasn't sure I had it in me to really get out there, but I did. I had been looking forward to the possibility of backpacking for weeks, it was the one thing I knew would help me feel better. But this trip failed to recharge me. I felt isolated out there and strangely scared. I couldn't find the wonder of nature. I couldn't enjoy the wonder my children felt being out in nature. Everything was wrong. Now I'm at a loss of what to do. If Nature can no longer ground me, get to the essence of my self, then what is there? I feel like something fundamental in me has been broken. I'm just a shell of who I used to be--I don't know myself any more. And I don't like what is left.
Natural Art
Sandstone rock wall in Petra, Jordan
3 comments:
I'm sorry the backpacking trip in nature didn't do what you hoped it would. When I am at my worst, even the things I love can't seem to penetrate the darkness. All the things that are supposed to help me--good nutrition, exercise, socializing, getting out in nature--don't penetrate the depression.
Are you in touch with your doctor? I don't want to overstep my bounds, but I am concerned about your description of how you feel. I have been there, too, and it's scary. I hope you can get the help that you need. I will be thinking about you.
I am in agreement with Tina. When I am really down there is little to pull me up. Just take it one day at a time and hang onto hope.
Have you ever seen a Naturopath and had your hormone levels checked?
Many of the depressives of my acquaintance are struggling right now. I'm beginning to wonder if there is an underlying reason.
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