Power in Irritation

For my book group we read “Everyday Sacred” by Sue Bender.  I suggested it.  It’s been a while since I’ve read it, but it’s really good.  She talks about the begging bowl, about accepting whatever is put in our bowl for the day, about seeing the beauty in the ordinary.  I really like her analogies and ideas.  There was a time when I felt I could reach those goals.  Right now though, they feel out of reach.  I feel so empty that I can’t imagine how to find significance and meaning in my life.  I’ve been empty for so long.  I’m so weary of it. 

I've been back on Deplin for 2 weeks now.  I haven't felt any positive mood enhancement.  I still feel really down.  But I no longer have the headaches, although I have been a bit irritable.  I'm not sure if it's the Deplin or not; the irritability is more focused, rather than general irritability at everything.  I'm wanting to use that irritation to force me to speak my mind more often.  Over the last 5-10 years I've really become a quiet woman who rarely speaks out on my opinions.  I used to be much more vocal about my opinions, even opinionated.  But for some reason I started keeping things to myself.  Now I feel like I've just become spineless and I think I need to find my backbone again.  And I think feeling irritated might help in that.  Wish me luck.