Dark thoughts have been kept at bay for 7 days now, although my mood is slipping a bit. I just purchased and read Allie Brosh's new book "Hyperbole and a Half" which is based on her blog. She is so funny! I laughed a lot and also loved the writing she did on depression. I know I've mentioned that particular post before, but it's so worth reading and sharing with people who don't know what depression is like. She's funny and poignant at the same time.
Even though I am exercising regularly, I am still really tired. Maybe I haven't been exercising long enough to feel the perks of having more energy. That is the promise of exercise, isn't it? That you will feel more energized if you consistently exercise. I'm waiting for that.
I used to think I didn't have much faith, but the fact that I'm taking my meds, seeing a therapist, exercising, and still waiting for things to get better must be some sort of act of faith. I've decided that I have quite a bit of faith, actually. Good for me!
The weekend is coming up and weekends are usually trying for me. Everyone is home (kids, husband) and I don't get long periods of time to myself. I am still enjoying my "me time" while everyone is at school or work. I'm still reading and watching TV a lot. But I'm also starting to feel the slight rumblings of wanting to do something more. I'm not sure what the "more" would really look like, but once again, I'll take what I can get.
I've been spending a little more time looking for a job, but that can be depressing in and of itself. Even though I have a PhD, I'm not really qualified to do much. I have no retail experience, so working at a bookstore or REI isn't likely (as they want several years of retail experience), plus retail doesn't pay enough for me to pay off my student loans. And there aren't a lot of teaching gigs around town, if I even had the energy to teach. I will be teaching one class next semester, but I'm sort of dreading it. Maybe I'm just not ready for a job. But I am ready to make some money and get out from all of this debt I've acquired.
Thanksgiving is coming up and everyone is talking about what they are thankful for. I guess I'm thankful that I'm still alive. And I'm really grateful for some remarkable women in my life. Of course I'm thankful for the usual family, husband, kids, home, freedom. But I'm really thankful that I've had a week free of debilitating depression. I really do like Thanksgiving and believe in trying to have an "attitude of gratitude," however, gratitude can be a tricky thing when you're stumbling through the fog of depression. I guess I should be grateful that I can feel some gratitude. How's that?
So, I guess we take what we can get in this life and have the faith that things might improve. Just my two cents.
Even though I am exercising regularly, I am still really tired. Maybe I haven't been exercising long enough to feel the perks of having more energy. That is the promise of exercise, isn't it? That you will feel more energized if you consistently exercise. I'm waiting for that.
I used to think I didn't have much faith, but the fact that I'm taking my meds, seeing a therapist, exercising, and still waiting for things to get better must be some sort of act of faith. I've decided that I have quite a bit of faith, actually. Good for me!
The weekend is coming up and weekends are usually trying for me. Everyone is home (kids, husband) and I don't get long periods of time to myself. I am still enjoying my "me time" while everyone is at school or work. I'm still reading and watching TV a lot. But I'm also starting to feel the slight rumblings of wanting to do something more. I'm not sure what the "more" would really look like, but once again, I'll take what I can get.
I've been spending a little more time looking for a job, but that can be depressing in and of itself. Even though I have a PhD, I'm not really qualified to do much. I have no retail experience, so working at a bookstore or REI isn't likely (as they want several years of retail experience), plus retail doesn't pay enough for me to pay off my student loans. And there aren't a lot of teaching gigs around town, if I even had the energy to teach. I will be teaching one class next semester, but I'm sort of dreading it. Maybe I'm just not ready for a job. But I am ready to make some money and get out from all of this debt I've acquired.
Thanksgiving is coming up and everyone is talking about what they are thankful for. I guess I'm thankful that I'm still alive. And I'm really grateful for some remarkable women in my life. Of course I'm thankful for the usual family, husband, kids, home, freedom. But I'm really thankful that I've had a week free of debilitating depression. I really do like Thanksgiving and believe in trying to have an "attitude of gratitude," however, gratitude can be a tricky thing when you're stumbling through the fog of depression. I guess I should be grateful that I can feel some gratitude. How's that?
So, I guess we take what we can get in this life and have the faith that things might improve. Just my two cents.
2 comments:
I like your view on faith. I too sometimes think I don't have any, but the acts of taking meds, therapy, doing the things that could help must stand for something. I'm glad you have had some better days. Here's to more days like that!
My first thanksgiving after coming out of the "deep" for the first time, I was, just as you say, thankful to just FEEL thankful for something.
Don't give up hope. 7 days is an incredible amount of time. Be thankful for that.
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