Exercise: Running Errands

Luckily the slipping didn't land in the bottom of the well again.  I'm coming back up and trying not to let the Holidays stress me out.  It's dumb to turn this beautiful season into a crab-fest.  I should rethink the whole Santa thing.

I'll be spending Christmas with family and I'm not all that stressed about it.  Usually I dread it, just because it takes so much energy to put on the happy face.  I do love being with my family and friends, and I think this year will be better. 

I missed jogging for 3 days due to the need to run errands.  Too bad running errands doesn't count as running! I'd be in great shape right now!  However, I forced myself to get out today, even though every part of me wanted to curl up with a book.  So, point for me.  I'm always glad after the fact; sometimes that's the only thing that keeps me putting on my running shoes every day.  But I'm clinging to the belief that this exercise is part of the key to my recovery.  And really, it is nice to use my body for something like jogging.  I'm 45 and still able to move my muscles and joints without too much pain!

Slipping

For almost 3 weeks I've lived without the dark pull of depression.  But I'm slipping.  I'm not sure what exactly is causing the change, but I do know it's coinciding with the stress I'm feeling over Christmas.  I'm feeling frantic and worried and stressed.  I want to get the "perfect" gifts for people, but I don't really feel like going shopping--I just don't have time to do any relaxed shopping.  Then there's the whole issue of how much money to spend.  And in less than a week we'll be traveling to visit family, so I have to get everything ready for that.  It's too much, but if I don't do it, how will it get done?

I'm hoping that this doesn't last and that I keep myself from slipping down any further.  I should get out and go jogging, it's actually a lot warmer than the 23 degrees (F) that I have been jogging in.  But I have so much to do today, people expecting me to be places at certain times, so I don't think I can get it in today.  My mood is such that I'm not too sad about it, but I know I really "should" exercise today.  Oh well, c'est la vie.  I really just have to try not to let my thoughts spiral downward and out of control, but it's hard.  I wish the Christmas season was really more relaxing and beautiful than it is for me this year.  With that being said, Merry Christmas everyone!

Good Place To Be

I am still feeling relieved from my depression.  It's almost been two weeks.  That's the longest time I've felt good in the last 4 years.  I've been trying to figure out what has helped me--the new medication I'm on?  The exercise?  The breakthroughs I've had in therapy? 

The weather has turned bitterly cold and it's making jogging hard.  But I'm afraid to stop jogging because I feel like if I do, maybe the depression will creep back.  I've got to figure out a way to jog in really cold weather.  I know people do it, I just haven't found the right combination of layers yet.  Exercising indoors isn't much of an option because jogging outside serves the dual purpose of getting me out and getting the dogs out.

It's strange to be feeling good.  I do feel a little guilty about it though, which is strange, I know.  I feel guilty towards others I know that are still feeling depressed.  I'm not sure why I'm doing better and they're not.  I don't have any magic bullet.  All that I can seem to say is keep going.  Eventually, even if it's 4 years later, it will get better.  I'm also a bit afraid--I'm worried about how long this will last.  I'm not counting on it staying around for any length of time.  I'm just taking it day by day.  When I get tired I sometimes get scared that the depression is coming back, but I think it's just basic tiredness, not the weariness that comes from depression.

Anyway, I'm really hopeful.  It's a good place to be.