One Thing is Certain

I may not know a lot of things, but one thing is certain: my bliss is in academia. Yesterday I got a phone call from a prof at the TC campus asking me if I could help teach the Bio 106 lab. That one invitation onto campus life was like a jump start. I'm struggling still, but suddenly there is something to struggle for. I know it must sound terrible that teaching can do for me what my children and family life can't, but that's the way it is. Maybe it is because my family is an extension of myself, whereas academia is simply at the core of my soul. It always has been, and it's emotionally costly for me to not be involved. I love being around people who are passionate about what they are studying and who love to discuss ideas. The subject doesn't really matter; I am happy studying or discussing literature, physics, history, linguistics, political science, art, anthropology, forensics, biology, enviornmental science, or botany. I think the only subject that might not make my list of fascinating things to study would be buisness, but almost anything else I can find interest in. :)

So knowing this should help. I've always sort of known, but after my experience yesterday, it has become quite clear and I am quite certain that for me to be truly happy I need to be in an academic setting, surrounded by people who love to learn. I'm an academic idealist, yet I am realistic enough to know that not everyone in academia feels the same way I do. But there are enough people out there who do; and there's always a student or two whose imagination catches fire with the right enthusiasm from a teacher. That's the stuff I love. That's the stuff I'm meant to be involved in. Now, I just need to remember that finishing my damnable dissertation is not about the dissertation but about getting myself in a position that will open the doors to a wide variety of academic positions. . . that is why I need to finish at this time, so my options remain open and that soon this type of life will be mine for the making.