Tell About It

So I've realized that I haven't been completely authentic with others about myself for a while. In the last post I put down the lines from a poem which goes:

Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.

And I was thinking that I haven't been paying attention enough lately, or haven't been astonished enough, but after thinking about it some more, I think my real problem is that I haven't been following the last line of advice--tell about it. I used to be quite vocal about my opinions, but through the years I've become more quiet, in ways. I'm not exactly sure why this has happened, but I think when we don't voice how we truly feel, we run the risk of feeling inauthentic, which can lead to depression.

A friend and I have been talking about a book we read years ago called "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn. It's a fantastic book and was very influential for me. In our discussions we talked about how we've changed with age--particularly how we've sort of sold out to the great machine of middle class America. I used to be so idealistic and passionate about my ideas, but lately I just accept one excuse after another and end up keeping my ideas to myself and living below my ideals. However, within the last several weeks, the idealist within me is waking and I can feel my passion stirring, and believe me, they're not happy. I know I've sold out; I know I've kept my opinions to myself so as not to offend people; I know I haven't been authentic. And although this may only be a partial cause of my depression, I think I know what needs to happen: I need to tell about those things that I believe in, those things that I find amazing and astonishing; I need to be authentic with myself. Maybe in doing so, just maybe I will find more happiness. I believe I will. It feels as if I am on journey of rediscovering myself. That has to be good.