So I was pretty discouraged when I wrote my last post. It's been several hours and I'm not feeling as down. Once again, one thing I find really helpful is my Tae Kwon Do class. The focus on my body and the forms I'm trying to learn and remember is very calming for me. I still feel deeply saddened and worried for my nephew and sister, but my outlook on life isn't so bleak. As far as my question goes, I'm still not sure all the pain is worth it, but what else is there? My options are limited, either live or die. And since dying is quite permanent I'm not willing to commit to that. So, I'm left with living. With that option one can choose to live well or live poorly. I'd rather live well, or at least as best I can at the moment. But I have yet to find out if I'm living well.
There is another thing I find really helpful--books, or stories. For some reason it's easier to get lost in the troubles on a page than it is in real life. I think it's because a good storyteller gets me to invest my emotions and energy into characters, but the disasters/problems/plot is ultimately resolved by the end of the book. Whereas in life, we aren't so lucky. We have to live it before we find out the ending. I hate that. I guess that's where faith comes in--believing that things will end well, even though everything seems disastrous at the moment. So, I have to ask myself "do I have enough faith to live and live well?" There's only one way to find out.
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