I've just started reading a novel called The History of Love by Nicole Krauss and I'm taken in after only 20 pages. Here's a part of the book that really struck home to me:
"It had been so long, I didn't know any other way of being. One day I woke up and said to myself: it's not too late. The first days were strange. I had to practice smiling in front of the mirror. But it came back to me. It was as a weight had been lifted. I let go, and something let go of me."
I wish I knew what I had to let go of. It's been about 2 years now, and I don't seem to be getting any better, assuming there is a better. In this book, the character is talking about letting go of anger, but I've heard it said that depression is anger turned inside. Actually, when I stop and think about it, I am pretty angry.
I'm angry at my dad for dying. I'm angry at my advisor for being a Jack Wagon (otherwise known as a jackass). I'm angry at having to move when I wanted to stay where I was. I'm angry at whomever coined the phrase "bloom where you're planted." I'm angry at myself for not being stronger and better able to fight this depression.
Another part from the book that I love, where the main character is talking about a plant he has:
"I've had it for almost ten years. It's barely alive, but it is alive. More brown than green. There are parts that have withered. But still is lives, leaning always to the left. Even when I rotate it so that what faced the sun no loner faces the sun, it stubbornly leans to the left, choosing against physical need in favor of an act of creativity. I poured the rest of my water into its pot. What does it mean, anyway, to flourish?"
What does it mean, to flourish? That is a very good question. I'm glad I have book group, which introduced me to this book, because I can tell it's going to be a very good read. Already I've found two (actually more) ideas on which to ruminate. I'm good at ruminating, you have to be if you're going to be good at depression; and that's me--good at depression.
3 comments:
Interesting insight that anger turned inward leads to depression. I think that is so true. So the next question is, how do you get rid of the anger? That answer is different for each person, but the start is that you recognize that the anger is influencing your depression.
AS for flourishing, not sure. If I still had to live in Mattawa (aka outer darkness) flourishing would be very hard for me. Are there situations here in the Tri-Cities that make it difficult for your to flourish? Do you need to change something about your circumstance to help you flourish?
To me, flourish is synonymous with growth and flowering. Growing up to be what Heavenly Father knows us to be is flourishing. Working on developing all of the beauty that is inside of us is flourishing. Sometimes the only thing that prevents us from flourishing is ourselves.
I love this post! Anger flowing seems so real and sincere! Anne Morrow Lindbergh states..."I am shedding hypocracy in human relationships. The most exhausing thing in life I have discovered is being insincere."
A separate quote from Anne Morrow Lindberg..."I want first of all to be at peace within myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a cental core to my life that will enable me to carry out my obligations and activities as well as I can. I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual which can be translated into an outward harmony. I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God."
Could these suggest flourishing?
I love Anne Morrow Lindberg, I need to read her works again. Anyway, I believe that flourishing almost certainly relates to that last quote. Thanks for reminding me of her work and answering my question!
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