So I told my mom about my new diagnosis and it was really hard on her. I can't imagine why, I'm still me and have the same issues to deal with, only I've been given a new set of tools to work with and feel pretty hopeful. So why do some labels put people off? This is a rhetorical question, because I sort of know the answer.
I gave a seminar once, on ecofeminism, at BYU (of all places). Biology students, and some Range and Wildlife folks, made up the main audience. I started out talking about labels--how we tend to make inferences about people based on certain labels they, or we, assume they wear. When you ask people if they want clean air, clean water, and a better place for their children, most people say "yes." But if you ask them if they're an environmentalist, most people say "no," and some quite emphatically. If you ask them if men and women are equal, they'll agree, but few will consider themselves feminists. So the weakness is that usually it's the extremes that are associated with labels. Feminists are not viewed as simply interested in fair treatment for women, but are considered "feminazis" by those who fear the label of feminist.
Back to my own new label as "bipolar II." Doctors have given even the term bipolar an added adjective of 2 or soft. That's because most people associate extreme behavior with bipolar disorders. I feel quite confident that my behavior is far from extreme, but I also feel quite confident that bipolar II is a good fit for my situation/condition. Now honestly, when I the doctor first suggested this, I inwardly balked at the idea. But the more I read about it, the more I came to agree with the doctor. In the book by Phelps that I mentioned in my previous post, Phelps even went so far as to say that one should be careful and use judgement when telling other people you have bipolar II disorder. So here I am putting it out to anyone who cares to read my blog that I'm bipolar. I'm bipolar and I'm okay with it. Like I said, I haven't changed at all; my condition hasn't changed; but my treatment has (and with some long awaited results).
I wonder why my mother was so upset. Is the stigma too much for her? I told her how much better I'm doing on the change in medication, shouldn't that be cause for relief and possibly celebration? Maybe she fears the stigma, fears being the mother of 2 children who are bipolar and the stigma that might accompany that. I don't know. It doesn't surprise me, she's never been one who handles crises well, as if this is a crisis. Her reaction was similar to how she reacts to a crisis--it's horrible, life is so miserable, she can't handle how difficult it all is. My mom doesn't like to deal with life. But she's been depressed most of her life, so I can't really blame her. Maybe she's bipolar II as well. However, any diagnosis will never matter to her, she won't, or can't, take care of herself that way. Once, myself and both of my sisters were taking anti-depressants and my mom really needed to get some sort of relief for her depression. But when I suggested she get some medication her response was, honest to God, "we can't all be on anti-depressants!" I was floored. She definitely has the martyr syndrome down to a tee. So my mom will always sacrifice her own well-being, even when no one wants her to. Instead of truly sacrificing, and making sacred as the root of the term means, she instead falsely sacrifices and it ends up being waste instead. It's like the difference between sacrificing an animal's life, so that you may live, or slaughtering animals for a trophy, which is purely a waste of the animal's life.
My mom may just get more depressed with the news I gave her. If I were her, I'd be asking myself "could that be my condition as well?" I would be hopeful for my daughters. I would be grateful that our understanding of brain chemistry, as limited as it is, is better than it's been ever before, with more options for mood disorders. I would be hopeful that a treatment could be found that would allow my daughters to live free from debilitating depression. If I were her, I wouldn't be so scared. I guess in truth, these reactions are my new feelings about having a new label to wear. I am hopeful, grateful, and I'm no longer so scared. Just a couple of weeks ago I was scared that I'd never find a way out of the darkness of depression. And now, armed with a new label and new medication, I'm not so scared. To quote an Anne Taintor magnet, "I'm medicated and motivated!" (see Anne Taintor products and enjoy her humor at http://annetaintor.com/products.html).
I gave a seminar once, on ecofeminism, at BYU (of all places). Biology students, and some Range and Wildlife folks, made up the main audience. I started out talking about labels--how we tend to make inferences about people based on certain labels they, or we, assume they wear. When you ask people if they want clean air, clean water, and a better place for their children, most people say "yes." But if you ask them if they're an environmentalist, most people say "no," and some quite emphatically. If you ask them if men and women are equal, they'll agree, but few will consider themselves feminists. So the weakness is that usually it's the extremes that are associated with labels. Feminists are not viewed as simply interested in fair treatment for women, but are considered "feminazis" by those who fear the label of feminist.
Back to my own new label as "bipolar II." Doctors have given even the term bipolar an added adjective of 2 or soft. That's because most people associate extreme behavior with bipolar disorders. I feel quite confident that my behavior is far from extreme, but I also feel quite confident that bipolar II is a good fit for my situation/condition. Now honestly, when I the doctor first suggested this, I inwardly balked at the idea. But the more I read about it, the more I came to agree with the doctor. In the book by Phelps that I mentioned in my previous post, Phelps even went so far as to say that one should be careful and use judgement when telling other people you have bipolar II disorder. So here I am putting it out to anyone who cares to read my blog that I'm bipolar. I'm bipolar and I'm okay with it. Like I said, I haven't changed at all; my condition hasn't changed; but my treatment has (and with some long awaited results).
I wonder why my mother was so upset. Is the stigma too much for her? I told her how much better I'm doing on the change in medication, shouldn't that be cause for relief and possibly celebration? Maybe she fears the stigma, fears being the mother of 2 children who are bipolar and the stigma that might accompany that. I don't know. It doesn't surprise me, she's never been one who handles crises well, as if this is a crisis. Her reaction was similar to how she reacts to a crisis--it's horrible, life is so miserable, she can't handle how difficult it all is. My mom doesn't like to deal with life. But she's been depressed most of her life, so I can't really blame her. Maybe she's bipolar II as well. However, any diagnosis will never matter to her, she won't, or can't, take care of herself that way. Once, myself and both of my sisters were taking anti-depressants and my mom really needed to get some sort of relief for her depression. But when I suggested she get some medication her response was, honest to God, "we can't all be on anti-depressants!" I was floored. She definitely has the martyr syndrome down to a tee. So my mom will always sacrifice her own well-being, even when no one wants her to. Instead of truly sacrificing, and making sacred as the root of the term means, she instead falsely sacrifices and it ends up being waste instead. It's like the difference between sacrificing an animal's life, so that you may live, or slaughtering animals for a trophy, which is purely a waste of the animal's life.
My mom may just get more depressed with the news I gave her. If I were her, I'd be asking myself "could that be my condition as well?" I would be hopeful for my daughters. I would be grateful that our understanding of brain chemistry, as limited as it is, is better than it's been ever before, with more options for mood disorders. I would be hopeful that a treatment could be found that would allow my daughters to live free from debilitating depression. If I were her, I wouldn't be so scared. I guess in truth, these reactions are my new feelings about having a new label to wear. I am hopeful, grateful, and I'm no longer so scared. Just a couple of weeks ago I was scared that I'd never find a way out of the darkness of depression. And now, armed with a new label and new medication, I'm not so scared. To quote an Anne Taintor magnet, "I'm medicated and motivated!" (see Anne Taintor products and enjoy her humor at http://annetaintor.com/products.html).
No comments:
Post a Comment