I am doing everything I can think of to kick this depression, and still I’m down. I’m seeing a therapist, taking meds, exercising, taking vitamins and fish oil, cut back on my caffeine consumption, praying . . . what more can I do? It feels like I’m destined to live this way forever, and that I can’t handle. This just all feels so unbearable, I’m not sure how much longer I can go on like this without breaking. I have moments of relief that may last an afternoon or evening, but nothing that lasts for a significant amount of time and nothing that I can count on. Each morning I have to fight to get out of bed and get the kids ready for school. I have to bite my tongue when my daughter says she doesn’t want to go to school because I’m tempted to let her stay home—it’d be so much easier. I have to force myself to go jogging; I’m not enjoying it at all. It takes every last ounce of will power not to go back to bed after the kids are at school and I’ve gone jogging. I have to make myself eat. And I’m supposed to start work next week, which I’m not looking forward to. Then there’s the whole dissertation issue. How can I get focused on my dissertation when I can barely get out of bed and take care of the kids? I’m just at the end of my rope, ready for some relief, right now.
3 comments:
I'm sorry. :( I wish there was something I could do for you. Please let me know if there is.
Keep fighting! You can kick this, it just may stretch you beyond a point that you thought that you could take. I am cheering for you.
Thanks for your words and well wishes. I guess my only option is to go on, which I will. Hopefully I'll look back at this someday and find lots of great growing moments.
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