50 lb. pack

Here's an apt metaphor for those of us who struggle with depression.  I've been thinking about how it would be different to tackle life's problems if you didn't have depression to go with it--I imagine one could face one's difficulties with hope.  When depression is one of your difficulties, it makes all the other problems just that much harder.  So, here's the metaphor when you live with depression:  You're at a race and the gun goes off and everyone starts to run.  You start running too, but you're way behind everyone.  As you look around yourself, you realize that you have a 50 lb. pack on your back, whereas most people are running without a pack at all.  That's it.  Of course I realize I'm not the only one wearing a pack in the race.  I'm struggling to keep up with some really neat people, people I only get to know because I'm slow and in the back of the race with them. 

If I didn't have the pack on while racing, maybe I'd be an Olympic runner.  But, as my therapist (who came up with the metaphor) said, maybe I'd be a narcissistic ass, too.  Having the pack does tend to give one empathy.  Empathy is a good thing.  But I'll tell you, I'm ready to take the pack off for a while.  I guess I did have it off for a little bit--got a breather.  But I've hefted it back on and I've started trying to race along with it again.  Here's to strong shoulders.