I've been contemplating life A LOT lately. More than usual, I think. My mood has been going up and down. At least the downs don't seem to last as long as 4 years! Maybe just 4 days, then I get up a little bit. I get frightened to hope for a long period of time being depression-free. Judging from the past. . .
That one fragment of a sentence (judging from the past) sent me on a wild goose chase to find a quote from the movie "What's Up Doc?" that includes that in the line. It was really fun to look up quotes from the movie and remember how funny that movie is. The best part of the movie is the dialogue between all the characters. There are so many memorable quotes. But I'm going to focus on this one (I did find it on the internet--how did we ever live without it?). To set up the scene, Judy and Howard are up on the top floor of the hotel, a place where painting paraphernalia is lying around. They just fell off a bench they were sitting on and this is their exchange:
Judy Maxwell: What's wrong?
Howard Bannister: The future.
Judy Maxwell: What's the matter with it?
Howard Bannister: Judging from the recent past...
Judy Maxwell: Edmund Burke said, "You can never plan the future by the past."
Howard Bannister: I beg your pardon?
Judy Maxwell: You're wondering what a girl like me is doing quoting Edmund Burke?
It's the quote within the quote--"You can never plan the future by the past." I wonder if that's true or not. I certainly am hesitant to put any trust in feeling depression-free for any length of time. It's scary to start feeling better. I'm afraid that the feelings won't last and I'll slip back down, or worse, spiral down. I can totally see the difference in how I view life when I'm depressed vs. when I'm feeling hopeful.
Just this last weekend some good things were happening and I was feeling hopeful about life. My thoughts and feelings toward God were somewhat positive too. I felt hopeful about establishing a relationship with God. Then, the other day I was feeling the darkness all around me and I lost my hope in God, at least for that time. I just was back to feeling abandoned by God. I was back to feeling angry at God and really lonely and sad too. Today, I'm in a better place and I'm back to thinking maybe God is there and does care. So which is real? That's what I'd really like to know. Or are they both just constructs of my biochemistry? Are they both equally real or both equally false? Ugh, I can really think myself into some weird and tricky places.
Well, I'm heading into the weekend feeling better than I was feeling during the week. Usually I get more depressed on weekends, but hopefully I can be really mindful of what's going on inside of me and keep up hope going for a bit longer. I'll try not to plan my future by my past.
That one fragment of a sentence (judging from the past) sent me on a wild goose chase to find a quote from the movie "What's Up Doc?" that includes that in the line. It was really fun to look up quotes from the movie and remember how funny that movie is. The best part of the movie is the dialogue between all the characters. There are so many memorable quotes. But I'm going to focus on this one (I did find it on the internet--how did we ever live without it?). To set up the scene, Judy and Howard are up on the top floor of the hotel, a place where painting paraphernalia is lying around. They just fell off a bench they were sitting on and this is their exchange:
Judy Maxwell: What's wrong?
Howard Bannister: The future.
Judy Maxwell: What's the matter with it?
Howard Bannister: Judging from the recent past...
Judy Maxwell: Edmund Burke said, "You can never plan the future by the past."
Howard Bannister: I beg your pardon?
Judy Maxwell: You're wondering what a girl like me is doing quoting Edmund Burke?
It's the quote within the quote--"You can never plan the future by the past." I wonder if that's true or not. I certainly am hesitant to put any trust in feeling depression-free for any length of time. It's scary to start feeling better. I'm afraid that the feelings won't last and I'll slip back down, or worse, spiral down. I can totally see the difference in how I view life when I'm depressed vs. when I'm feeling hopeful.
Just this last weekend some good things were happening and I was feeling hopeful about life. My thoughts and feelings toward God were somewhat positive too. I felt hopeful about establishing a relationship with God. Then, the other day I was feeling the darkness all around me and I lost my hope in God, at least for that time. I just was back to feeling abandoned by God. I was back to feeling angry at God and really lonely and sad too. Today, I'm in a better place and I'm back to thinking maybe God is there and does care. So which is real? That's what I'd really like to know. Or are they both just constructs of my biochemistry? Are they both equally real or both equally false? Ugh, I can really think myself into some weird and tricky places.
Well, I'm heading into the weekend feeling better than I was feeling during the week. Usually I get more depressed on weekends, but hopefully I can be really mindful of what's going on inside of me and keep up hope going for a bit longer. I'll try not to plan my future by my past.
No comments:
Post a Comment