Honesty can hurt. Is it always the best policy? I'm not suggesting people should lie. I'm just wondering if keeping something to yourself is better than being honest, especially when somebody else's feelings are involved. The problem is that you never know how the other person is going to take what you say. You can never know for sure whether being honest or keeping quiet is going to be better for you and the other person. But, too be honest, even though honesty can hurt, I'd much rather people be honest with me and then let me deal with my emotions, rather than thinking I needed protecting. My parents did that a lot, not tell me things so as not to worry me. I can understand keeping things from your children if it isn't age appropriate or doesn't really involve them. But my parents would keep things that I wanted/needed to know from me. So I tend to do that too.
This honesty that I'm talking about is the emotional honesty in relationships. I'm not talking about keeping your opinion to yourself when you know it will only cause contention and the other party won't listen, unless you're supporting their worldview. I'm also not talking about keeping feelings in when you're with a group of people and you don't feel "safe" with them. There are times when honesty isn't necessary because it will be wasted. But with those you're invested in, I do think honesty is the best policy; even though it can hurt. I've been trying that lately and it's hard. But I can't let the response of someone else keep me from being honest. I just don't know the how/when/why honesty should be put out on the table. I guess that like everything else it's something you learn to do with practice.
This honesty that I'm talking about is the emotional honesty in relationships. I'm not talking about keeping your opinion to yourself when you know it will only cause contention and the other party won't listen, unless you're supporting their worldview. I'm also not talking about keeping feelings in when you're with a group of people and you don't feel "safe" with them. There are times when honesty isn't necessary because it will be wasted. But with those you're invested in, I do think honesty is the best policy; even though it can hurt. I've been trying that lately and it's hard. But I can't let the response of someone else keep me from being honest. I just don't know the how/when/why honesty should be put out on the table. I guess that like everything else it's something you learn to do with practice.
2 comments:
I don't know why but this post brings up something from my past.
When I was little, my biological father was very abusive and not able to love me in the way I needed to be loved. Males terrified me. My grandfather however was an amazing man. He was the first man that I was not afraid of. I remember his arms around me, I remember sitting on his lap and the smell of Brylcreem in his hair. I followed him around his yard and picked carrots that were not ready to be picked, watered the tomatoes and got into the things in his shed. He let me talk to strangers on his ham radio. Most of all, he loved me. When I was 9 he got sick and died quickly afterwards. I had a cousin the same age as me and her mom decided that she should not go to hos funeral. My mom followed course even though I asked and wanted to go. No, I did not understand death. No, I did not have a grab of what went on a t funerals but I knew that I needed to say goodbye. I was never given that option. My mom was awesome and did her best to talk to me but I felt like there was a piece missing.
I miss my grandpa and it is 33 years later. From that I made the decision to not try to hide death from my kids. When my grandmother (their great grandmother) died I took them to the funeral. They were 4 & 6. They got bored about halfway through and someone took them out to go get a donut across the street but they at least had the opportunity. My daughter was especially close with her and though she still grieved she had a chance to say goodbye.
I think parents try to protect their children from things they do not understand themselves. I have done that to my kids so I am not perfect but we have to let children learn life. Protecting them from chances to learn and grow is a disservice.
Honesty is one element in a human being that I like. Like you say, I would like people to be honest with me, so you know what I do. I don't ask questions when I know that an honest answer will hurt me.
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