Beach Memories

I'm itchin' to write, but I'm not sure what I want to write about, or what I want to say. While on vacation for the last 4 days I had forgotten to bring my anti-depressants and I could really tell a difference. My thoughts slowly tumbled downward to the point where I just hated everything about myself and sleep felt like the best way to avoid my feelings. Now, I'm one day back on my meds and starting to feel better. However, my moods and thoughts seem to be whipping back and forth between depressed and not depressed, to the point of giving me severe emotional whiplash. And I feel like I'm slogging through time as if I was trudging through pudding. I had thought I would write about all of the things I really hate about myself but figured I'd try and be more positive and at least include the things I like about myself. Yet right now neither of those things seem very interesting. Instead, I want to write about the moments during our vacation to Moclips, WA (on the coast) that were most memorable. They are (in no particular order):

• finding 65 perfect sand dollars on the beach


• seeing a herd of elk (ostensibly Roosevelt Elk) in the Hoh Rainforest


• hiking in the Hoh Rainforest, in the rain, of course


• seeing bald eagles


• listening to the chorus of frogs every night, just outside my bedroom window


• watching tiny bubbles scuttle across the water and sand, looking, for all intents and purposes, as if they were living creatures


• watching the kids being chased by the waves


• finding pebbles in the sand

Not a bad list considering the overshadowing depressive thoughts and the constant downpour of rain that called itself spring weather on the coast. So, this is me, working at being happy, fighting off the natural desire to slip downwards. The emotional landscape is much like the physical landscape and the 2nd law of thermodynamics--Entropy always increases, unless you put energy into the system. And unless I'm putting some major energy into my emotional state, I'm always headed toward entropy and depression. Hmm, maybe I should put more thought into the similarities between the laws of thermodynamics and how they relate to emotional landscapes. . .look for this exciting discussion in the future! For, now, it is enough.