Sound and Fury

My big question these last couple of days is how can I gain better self-discipline? I need to finish my dissertation, but instead of making a lot of time to write, I find a lot of ways to waste my time. I've been reading a book about how to write more and one important point is that you won't ever find time to write, you have to allot time to write. So I have tried to set aside several hours a each day to write and to act as if those times were like hours working--I could never blow off work to talk on the phone or something, so I can't blow off time writing to talk on the phone, read a good book, or the like. It worked for a week or so, but since our spring break vacation I'm finding it hard to keep those writing hours separate and sacred. Part of the reason is because my mind is like mush and I can't find words. But that's just another excuse. It seems like I'm full of excuses. But I'm at the point where I need to finish this soon.

So, I have a real desire to finish, but am finding it difficult to actually do the work. What is wrong with me? Am I really not that motivated to finish my dissertation? Are the excuses I come up with merely excuses and full of sound and fury but signifying nothing? I sort of feel like a lot of my life is just that: sound and fury signifying nothing. All my woes, all of my struggles to finish this degree, all of my depression. It takes up a lot of my time and emotional energy, but ultimately is just a lot of hot air and is ultimately insignificant. And when I say that I'm not trying to say "poor me." I am saying it sincerely and wondering if I need to just get over myself and start living my life: start writing the damnable dissertation; start enjoying my life, my kids, my husband; stop wasting time and start using my potential. I may not be ultra smart, but I'm not dumb. I may not be super talented, but I'm not lacking talent. I may not be the best wife and mother, but I am a good wife and mother. So, get off my duff and do something! This is my pep talk for the week.